So, if you read this blog with any regularity, you are aware of the fact that there are often long pauses between updates. However, I think this may be the longest to date…
This has been a crazy year (to state the obvious). In February, my hubs was injured and it consumed most of February and March and some of April, to be honest. So that wasn’t awesome, but things are returning to normal.
And as per usual, it’s skull painting season. It was a bit of a late start for me this year, due to some commissioned calaveras. They were an amazing start for my painting process. I’ll be showing my circle of 13 Calaveras at the Richard App Gallery for Dia de Los Muertos. Hands down my favorite holiday of the year.
Additionally, I’ve just completed another Doctor Who Fourth Doctor scarf. This time it is a gift for a Make A Wish recipient who is going to meet The Doctor! I was thrilled to be a part of this awesome wish, for a worthy candidate.
So now, on to the really big piece of news and noteworthyness…
It’s been nearly two and a half years since the end of my personal and professional relationship with my former illustrator. While we were in the middle of our ill-fated re-illustration of my book, I pulled all previous editions off the market. Not only did I have new illustrations to think about, I also had a newly (and beautifully) re-edited manuscript, so it made sense to pull the older versions.
For any of you reading this who’ve not read my book, it was/is a deeply personal journey. One in which I reimagined the unfortunate circumstances of my childhood into an allegorical novel that illustrated the lessons I’d learned. In effect, creating something beautiful and magickal out of grief and hardship. It was the culmination of five years of intensive emotional and spiritual work about forgiveness and taking control of my life and the ways in which I perceive it. Just after I had completed writing the manuscript and editing had begun, my mother passed away, making the process even more poignant. Afterall, the book was largely about her, or at least the mental illness and drug addiction that held her hostage for most of her life
I thought that the process of writing and publishing the book had helped me to move through all of the lessons I’d learned from those experiences. I was wrong. The end of the professional partnership that I had pursued had many more lessons for me to learn. And in my devastation over the outcome of that relationship, I abandoned the thing that brought me to that place. I could not, at that time move forward and republish the book, even without illustrations. I busied myself with designing new covers for book one and it’s companion, the unpublished book two. But when it came down to it, I could not being the process of reformatting it.
So there it sat on my computer.
In the mean time, I’d gotten a computer virus and I’d backed up my computer to an external hard drive. So I reformatted my computer. When I went looking for the re-edited manuscript, it was gone. For over a year, I could not find it. So time passed…
John Crichton: Flies.
John Crichton: Bandits.
John Crichton: Wounds all heels.
John Crichton: [sings] Rosemary and…
John Crichton: Time ends.
Farscape, Unrealized Realities
I’ve begun to really think about this experience.To recognize that it was time to move on. The only way out is through. Painting my skulls helps me to process grief of all sorts. In my heart, I knew that the progress I was making on my current batch of skulls wasn’t meaningful to me. They said nothing to me about my life. And so it began. The final piece of grief I was holding on to finally made it’s way into my skulls.
And so, after much deliberation I’ve decided that it is time put that chapter of my life to rest (no pun intended). My process of writing and publishing my book was a deeply rewarding one: but is it one that I’ve already experienced. The thought of going back and redoing work I’ve already completed feels like an emotional black hole. I’ve done that work, and I’ve moved on.
So on to new challenges…
As always, thanks for reading!