My Personal Elephant in the Room

IMG_1659.JPGIn 2010, as most of my readers know, I self-published a book. The book received good reviews from the target audience. It was kind of awesome! Along with the positive response about the story, I received a lot of input on how I could improve the book.

And so along came the second edition with a shiny fancy new cover, beautifully rendered by the very talented Bethalynne Bajema. Along with the amazing new cover, came modifications to the character’s tarot cards, some editorial changes and a small list of improvements. The improvements of the second edition helped to garner the attention of a small publishing house, Charmed Life Publishing.  The owner took a personal interest in my book, seeing within it’s pages, a lot of potential. And so began the process of working with the new editor to realize a polished final edition.IMG_1660.JPG

Around the same time, the book attracted the attention of  a talented artist with whom I decided to work with to bring this new version of the book into the world with. This did not end well.

 I needed some time to regroup and decide upon the future of my books. I have been all over the map in my thoughts and feelings about it. In the aftermath of that ending, I had difficulty seeing a new beginning. But truly all endings are new beginnings, sometimes you just need time and space to see them.

sings cover jpgI made a start toward that new beginning last year with the preview of the new covers. But I simply wasn’t ready to move forward with the books. The truth is that I hadn’t really finished dealing with the ramifications of the ending.

But through the painting of my calaveras (Circle of Skulls) I have had opportunity to mourn the loss of many things. Including the death of my mother, my grandfather, and the death of a dream. The latter, in some ways has been the trickiest. The death of loved ones, as we all know, is something we all face at one point or another. And if we are really with it, we can turn that heartbreak into a life affirming touchstone, a personal commitment to live life to the fullest of our ability. To living in the moment. This is something painting my skulls teaches me constantly.

The elephant in the room, however is the death of a dream that was so near to my heart. I have been unable to deal with it in any meaningful way, until recently.  I was really quite at a loss. How do you make hurt feelings dissipate that cannot be resolved with the person who beget them.

As is so often the case, the solution is in the problem. The very thing that caused the rift in the partnership can be the thing that brings peace to me again. I wrote the book to deal with the emotional fallout of my childhood, and by moving forward and taking full ownership of it once more, I believe I can move forward beyond the grief of a lost dream.

So to that end, I pledge to you, dear reader, that as soon as the Circle of Skulls is finished and Dia de Los Muertos has passed, I will start formatting the newly edited copy of book one! It is my sincere hope to have at least a digital version available by the end of the year.

thanks for reading,

-b

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